Snappy Comebacks

PhoneI know you’ve been there. That moment arrives when you get one of those pesky phone calls. It catches you off guard. What do you do? Lately, those moments are happening to hubby and me more frequently. (Like, seven times in one day from just one of them!) I get that they’re just doing their job. But, can’t they understand that no, I don’t want any or I’m not interested or take me off your list is a clue to don’t call me back? Ever.

Guess not. They keep calling. We keep saying no way. They’re not listening.

So, hubby and I were joking around with some snappy comebacks to get them to stop calling. We egged each other on and came up with quite a few I can’t print here. (Could lead to awkward explanations or criminal investigations!) However, we did have a couple that I can share with you.

Creepy Comeback

• “It’s finished. Blood is everywhere!” (We can’t take credit for this one; we read this on the Internet.)
• “Guess what? I just found out Hannibal Lecter is my cousin! Isn’t that great!”
• “The place is surrounded. Hurry, drive around to the back!”
• “The voices in my head won’t let me.”
• “Can you hold on a second?” Shift the phone away and pretend you’re talking to someone else in the room. “What do you mean you lost it? I told you to stash it in the trunk and then bury it.”

Funny Comeback

• “Honey, it’s for you,” you say as if you’re talking to someone there with you. To the caller, you say, “He’s mad at me, so you deal with him.” Put down the phone and walk away and start arguing with no one.
• “I have thirteen different personalities. Would you like to talk to them all?”
• Quote anything from a Dr. Seuss book in a serious, dignified tone.
• Ask silly questions. “If breakfast and lunch makes brunch. What does lunch and dinner make? Linner? Dunch?”
• “Are you just not that into me? Is that what it is? Why won’t you go out with me again? I swear, I only did it that one time. The charges were dropped.”

If you’re ever in that position again, just think of this and laugh outrageously (well, I hope you do) and let the caller wonder what’s going on. At least you’ll feel like you’ve won this round with them.

And now you know what it’s like to live with a romantic comedy writer and her sweet hubby/co-conspirator as they both view life in a slightly skewed way.

Feel free to contact me on Facebook and Twitter to add some of your snappy comebacks; you may see them show up in my next snappy comebacks blog. (Note, any comebacks used will be fully credited to the person sending them to me.)

Until next time…keeping laughing…